What To Text After a First Date: 5 Ways to Not Mess Things Up

In today’s day and age, the lines between friendship and dating have blurred. People text their friends they’re seeing regularly, and it’s not uncommon to go on multiple dates in one week. If you’ve just gone on your first date with someone new, what do you do when it comes to texting them? This guide on what to text after a first date comes in handy!

Don’t text right away

And we mean never—not even two minutes after he drops you off. If you ask guys, they’ll tell you it doesn’t look like you’re that into them if you run back to your phone to text as soon as he leaves.

Plus, there’s nothing on earth that says I have no life more than OMG! I can’t stop thinking about our date! What are you doing right now? Come over and watch Netflix with me 😉 Be interested in your own life: You had fun, but that doesn’t mean your date will think about it for another second unless he likes you. [WHAT IS CASUAL DATING?]

Guys want someone confident and have their stuff together, so go out with friends or family afterward and make plans to do something exciting again. Don’t wait around; don’t try too hard: Guys have told us time and time again that one of their biggest pet peeves is when girls act too available/needy by trying way too hard to make plans after a first date.

He knows how awesome you are—he didn’t spend hours getting ready just to see a side of you that’s overly eager for his attention. (You’ve got lots of other great traits to show him!) Give him space and be chill. Let him know how much fun you had: This seems obvious, but plenty of people get caught up in making plans without actually telling their date they’re having a good time.

Saying things like Great meeting you! isn’t enough – let him know specifically why you liked spending time with him (or being with him), like what made it so much fun to talk/dance/eat…whatever your favorite part was. It makes all those nerves before feel worth it when he knows what a great impression he made on you!

What to Text After a First Date

Don’t be too much – communicate, but don’t be clingy
It’s okay to text back and forth a few times after you’ve had a first date, but don’t be overeager. Remember that people can tell when you’re overly attached and it’s not an attractive quality.

One study found that women who thought their partners were clingy had lower relationship satisfaction than women whose partners weren’t so clingy. The best thing you can do after your first date leaves her wanting more, which means not being too much in communication before she gets around to it.

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As for what to say…keep reading!  Don’t ask about other guys: Most girls will let you know if they’re interested in seeing you again—which is to say they will most likely initiate further contact with you—but some guys are fixated on going all-in from day one. If she initiated contact with you, then there is some interest and it would be awkward for her if you followed up by asking about whether or not she was dating anyone else (or another variation of that). Bottom line? Don’t ever ask about other guys until after your second or third meetup has already happened.

However, if she doesn’t respond at all after texting you a couple of times…well…that says something as well.

Pay attention to her texts, because all doesn’t always mean all: One of my favorite books is called He’s Just Not That Into You, because everyone should read it at least once in their lives–and I think everyone should watch any movie based off a self-help book at least once as well. And no, I haven’t watched Sex & The City. But seriously, pay attention to how often she texts versus how often you text. Does she respond instantly to every message?

Give Them Space

If you had a good time, it’s okay to send a simple good night. But don’t follow up with another text for at least 24 hours. The problem is that often, we want people more when we can’t have them. You’re going to want him (or her) even more than you did before if you keep texting after your first date. It may be tempting, but hold off until he or she has settled into everyday life again and gives you space to do so as well.

Try sending one last text that says something like I had fun on our date! Let’s do it again sometime soon! rather than texting each other good morning and goodnight every day until someone finally snaps.[…More…]They’re either trying to forget about you by hooking up with someone else, they got their heartbroken recently, or they just aren’t into you anymore and they’re making excuses.

Never send texts like these immediately following a bad date—it only makes things worse. Let them know how you feel: If someone doesn’t respond right away, just wait it out—don’t blow up their phone. If you like them, try sending something casual (like I had fun on our date! Let’s do it again sometime soon!) rather than an OMG did you miss me text.

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Don’t overthink things: The point of dating is meeting new people and having fun; if you keep waiting for some sign that your date likes you back before calling him or her again, then your love life might as well be on hold indefinitely.

Remember that every first date is an audition for another second date; don’t act desperate! Be polite but don’t apologize too much: It can be tempting to tell him or her off when they have rudely blown you off.

But why stoop to his or her level? You will come across better in person than you will ever look in a text message argument.

Give it time: Don’t give up on your love life after one bad date! If you think he or she was flakey, ask yourself whether there were any apparent signs during your interaction that made it clear he or she wasn’t interested in seeing you again.

Also consider whether any mitigating circumstances were causing any lack of response (e.g., maybe they met up with friends at the last minute instead). People are imperfect and unexpected delays happen all of the time!

Don’t talk about past relationships or sex

If you’re anything like us, you might be prone to talking about past relationships or sex on dates. This is a big mistake! We may think that talking about our past shows how real we are, but in fact, it just makes it seem like we can’t let go of our baggage from old relationships or how picky we are when it comes to sex.

Instead, focus on getting your date excited about their future and make them more excited about being with you than they have ever been before. You should also not text right away: If you want someone who likes you back, do not text them right away; wait at least an hour after your date has ended before texting them.

In today’s fast-paced world, many people like instant gratification.
If you start texting someone right away (especially if it is as simple as hey what’s up), chances are good that they will respond quickly because they want something from you (like most relationships, things tend to end badly).

This puts pressure on both parties, making both parties uncomfortable which will lead to things ending horribly for everyone involved. Most people don’t respond well to pressure and if you put them under any kind of undue stress regarding your relationship with them, especially in its infancy stages, there isn’t any chance for things to work out between the two of you. So, unless you know what you’re doing and why then don’t text immediately after a first date.

And if you must text him/her right away, try not to say too much — keep your texts simple, neutral topics such as I had fun tonight. Avoid sending any flirty messages until day three: Wait until day three — at least one full day after your first date — before sending anything flirty over texts.

While instant messaging via chat clients is different than waiting hours for someone to reply via regular SMS messages (chat services generally give each person up to five days to send messages), using inappropriate language too early can ruin relationships no matter what form of communication channel was used prior.

A little bit of patience goes a long way here; if you build anticipation by waiting three days instead of two or four instead of three, it’ll only make things better in the long run. Be honest but avoid honesty until later: Although honesty is very important in relationships, it often doesn’t pay off to start with being brutally honest during those initial stages where trust hasn’t quite yet been built yet.

Save honesty for later on down the road after you’ve established some degree of trust and comfort between yourself and your partner. As crazy as it sounds, sometimes lying can help even though we all know that lying is wrong, so starting strong by being perfectly honest isn’t always going to get you anywhere despite what other sources tell you.

Talk about future things you want to do together

It’s fine to send something like, I had a great time. Looking forward to hanging out again soon. However, if you have some specific plans in mind, like an upcoming event or happy hour, mention that and let her know she’s welcome to join. According to brides here are What to talk about on your first date.

For example, Are you free Friday? I’d love it if you came with me to my friend’s band show. Note that we didn’t say something lame like, You’re so awesome! We’ll have such fun! That sort of text reads as needy and overly excited… which is not what you want your new crush thinking about you.

Save that for inside your head! Instead, try telling her specifically why you enjoyed meeting up; whether it was something funny or cute she said, ask her out on another date right away (try not to wait more than three days).

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Take a cue from our friends across the pond: Americans are perhaps too cautious when texting after first dates. A study by mobile-dating site Badoo revealed that Brits prefer Hey, followed by How are you?

When asked why they chose these expressions instead of more flirty options (like ‘sup here in America), 60 percent reported they were just being polite—they felt using phrases like Miss you would be going too far while texting one day after the meeting.

And who can blame them? There’s no need to rush into anything too serious right away! Save the I love you for later on down the road… at least until you mean it.

Scour her Facebook page or Twitter feed before you ask her out: You’ll have an easier time finding common ground and will likely have something witty or interesting to discuss during your date if she says something funny or interesting on social media beforehand. And besides, there’s nothing wrong with doing a little Googling beforehand; it’ll help ensure your conversation stays current and topical throughout!

Show appreciation for their time and effort

If you liked someone, or even just had a good time on your date, let them know! Thanking your date for taking time out of their busy schedule to meet with you is a common courtesy. And if they didn’t appreciate it…maybe they shouldn’t have gone on a date with you in the first place. If that sounds harsh, remember that dating is not always fun and games; it’s important to respect others as much as we want them to respect us. If you enjoyed yourself, tell them so! They may be flattered by your words of affirmation.

[Aside 1] This is also true after a breakup; people feel disconnected when they don’t hear from their ex anymore.

Regardless of where you are in your relationship with him/her, take 5 minutes out of your day to send some positive energy his/her way [Aside 2]. Good vibes make bad vibes go away–and who doesn’t want that? ​ How Long Should You Wait Before Sending Another Text? ​

Another tricky thing about texting after a first date is knowing how long you should wait before messaging again.
There’s no correct answer here, but most experts agree it should be within 24 hours. Waiting too long makes you look like you’re not interested (even if that’s not the case), and waiting too soon can seem desperate or needy.

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Communicate Interest: As mentioned earlier, showing interest is one of the best ways to get someone interested in you back. On your post-date text, ask questions like what did you think? or how’d that compare to other dates? Try keeping texts short and sweet though; over-texting will come off as pushy and stalker-ish.

Play It Cool: Remember, YOU initiated contact! The ball is now in THEIR court. Even if your date was amazing, give it at least three days before sending another text (six days at most).

If you think he/she might be interested in seeing you again, consider going on another date first — talking about plans shows confidence which will usually lead to attraction. Don’t Overthink It: If a conversation happens organically through texts then great — keep going!

 

Ask if they got home safely (after a date)

Sure, it might seem like an obvious question. But you don’t want to come off as overbearing or anxious—for both parties involved. If you do find yourself waiting for a text message and none comes through, it’s OK to send something like Just checking in! Did you get home safely? Talk soon 🙂 but only if your date seemed friendly enough when you said goodbye.And also only if they didn’t say they would call or text later on.

Think of it as an excuse to stay in touch rather than appearing clingy or leaving them with doubts about your intentions—which could make it more difficult for them to respond positively next time around. Of course, there is always one exception… Avoid asking too many questions (on first dates): Asking lots of questions can be a great way to start building a new relationship and getting to know someone better. It’s not so great once it becomes clear that things are going nowhere fast.

For example, asking too many personal questions can put your date on edge right from the beginning; even worse if they think you’re fishing for red flags. Not only that, but some people just aren’t comfortable talking about themselves all night–in which case, all their answers will sound suspiciously rehearsed or just plain awkward. You can still share basic information; after all, everyone wants to feel like it. But back off a bit if your date seems uncomfortable and let them start most of the conversation.

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